Gratitude and Positivity

 Gratitude

“16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” - 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

‘So in every test let us say: “Thank you, my God, for this was needed for my salvation’ - St. Paisios of Mount Athos

Well, I have certainly not reached the point where I can be thankful for every trial that I face. I have always been a “glass half empty” kind of guy. An Eeyore rather than a Tigger. But since I have started this whole time of transformation, I am working hard to focus on gratitude. In my morning prayers of thanksgiving, I am more deliberate and careful to enumerate the blessings and the goodness that comes to me, as well as the more generic gratitude from corporate prayers.

I am not in a place where I can be grateful for hardship itself, but I am starting to see that it is possible to be grateful for the lessons and character development that can result from such hardship. The deaths of my parents - the mother who gave birth to me died when I was a child, and my father and the mother who raised me died more recently - were unbearably painful and difficult. They still are. I wish no one need ever face the loss of loved ones. But I am thankful for the company of my siblings as we sat at my father’s bedside on his last night alive, and have expressed my gratitude to them. There is no one else with whom I would have chosen to share that time. It brought us closer, and allowed us all to share our love for our father as he made that difficult passing into eternity.

It is so easy to focus on the negative. My career has become much less rewarding and much more difficult in the last few years. Multiple factors have contributed to this, and all of these problems within the health care system leave it wide open to complaint and grumbling. For a long time I focused on these negative things, and it became a vicious cycle, spiraling downward into resentment and active dislike for my job. I found that I can’t control all the negative things in my external environment. I could leave, quit my job, find a new career - certainly that is a popular option in healthcare now. So many in all areas of the healthcare system are choosing to leave and find a new career, retire earlier than they had planned, or, if neither of those options was practical, at least cut back on hours, dropping from full time to part time or per diem status. It is certainly a tempting thought. But I have invested 30 years already into this career. I am not yet willing to throw in the towel, much as I might like to.

But if the current situation is intolerable and I can’t change those externals, then the only option I see is to work on changing my internal circumstances and perception. If the negativity and resentment from the external environment was sending me on a downward spiral, the only counter that I could see was to search inwardly for positivity and gratitude. Not a fake gratitude to put some kind of false face on what is going on, but a genuine, real gratitude for all those things that I am and have that make life tolerable. Because they are there. I know it. Sometimes all the garbage and crap that is out there covers it up, and makes it difficult to find or remember. But it is there. In so many ways, I “have it so good”. It helps me to remind myself of this daily in my prayers and thank the Lord God for His mercy. 

It doesn’t mean that I ignore the problems and trials around me. But keeping focus on the good rather than the evil can help keep me sane. It can help me persevere under adversity until I no longer have to. I still have my moments. I go off on long angry rants. I am still often Eeyore. But sometimes now, I am Winnie the Poo or Owl. Not quite a Tigger, but not always completely miserable.

I am grateful for every small step. Never give up! Never surrender!